Stupidity
by Mouko
Summary: A story for a good friend of mine's birthday! Zero muses about the world behind him, be it humans, Hunters, or Mavericks, and ponders the greatest mystery of all: Survival of the Fittest! Warning: Foul Language


/ MMX: "Survival of the Stupidest"  
  
Neon Tiger (Mouko) and Yuki Ryu  
  
"Don't kill the Ma-ver-icks! Reploids have RIGHTS! Don't kill the Ma- ver-icks! Reploids have RIGHTS!"  
Zero lazily peered out the window in his office, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he propped his elbow against the windowsill. His expression was rather bored, though his eyebrow was quirked slightly.  
Down in the streets, a relatively large gathering of humans stood outside of Maverick Hunter Headquarters, wielding picket signs and banners that ranged from "Maverick have rights!", "Down with MHHQ", "Zero = Murderer", and "Love Conquers All".  
Zero wondered if any of them even realized what they were protesting about.  
They had been there since dawn, protesting the 'senseless slaughter' of Mavericks. They demanded that each Maverick be tried as if they were just like every other criminal and that killing one was grounds for having the hunter that did it put in the same category as Mavericks.  
"They're trying to kill you en masse, a literal man-kind genocide, and you're worrying about if they're MAVERICK ENOUGH to justify killing?" Zero grunted, his fingers tapping against his chin slightly.  
The blonde Maverick Hunter sighed and leaned back, shaking his head slightly. He wasn't surprised; nothing surprised him anymore. Mankind was stupid and the protest going on outside was only proof of such a statement.  
The entire protest would be downright comical with how stupid the humans were being if not for the effigies of the most infamous Maverick Hunters, himself included, that were being hung or burned respectively.  
Zero turned, his hair whipping about behind him. He didn't have time for such nonsense, anyway. He had to get some reports to the brig. What people didn't realize was that being a Maverick Hunter entailed much more than fighting and killing; there was also so much paperwork and bureaucracy that one could wipe their ass with it and no one'd notice.  
With a grunt, the hunter grabbed a large folder filled with paperwork and proceeded towards his office door. His heels clicked dully as he strode purposely down the hallway, keeping his eyes trained forward.  
Unfortunately, the entire stupidity issue wasn't restricted to just humans. Zero was rather ashamed to admit that reploids were just as equally stupid, which was easily proven given his current company.  
One of the rookies, Zero didn't bother to distinguish one from another unless he needed to, was standing in the middle of the hallway reading the bulletin board while picking his nose. While that action would have seemed natural, albeit disgusting, the fact that the rookie was a reploid and thus had nothing to pick for just made the act downright stupid.  
"... Keep digging, asshole," Zero grunted under his breath as he passed the reploid. "Maybe you'll strike gold and pick your brain out... since it's obviously not in your head where it should be."  
The rookie didn't seem to notice as he kept picking away at nothing.  
Zero shook his head slightly and continued down the hallway. He was surprised the Hunters had lasted so long against the Mavericks; he sometimes wondered if he was the only one with any intelligence in Maverick Hunters Headquarters, save for X.  
The blonde Maverick Hunter passed by the recreational facilities, barely even sparing a glance as he heard the obnoxious cheerings and hootings emanating through the doors.  
A glance was enough, however, for him to see more evidence to support his theory.  
Within one of the rooms a group of hunters, not restricted to only rookies, were hooting and hollering while a couple of them were chugging down anti-freeze. The apparent competition quickly was cut short as one of the contenders suddenly started vomiting all over the floor and the closest reploid next to them. Such a display was greeted with laughter and even more hooting, which drowned out the sounds of disgust the poor victim was making at being barfed on.  
Zero's cheek twitched and he briefly considered opening fire on the hunters with his blaster, then sighed and continued on his way. He knew that even though blowing their moronic heads off would make him feel better, it wouldn't make things better in the long run. If you killed one stupid person, four others appeared to replace it.  
The crimson hunter was almost thankful as he arrived at his destination, the clunk of his boots turning in to a loud CLANK as he stepped in to the dark and cold interior of the Maverick Hunter brig located in the depths of Maverick Hunter Headquarters.  
He proceeded towards the main office, the papers in hand, then sighed. He sometimes wondered why he even bothered protecting the humans or other Hunters from the Mavericks; "survival of the fittest" and all. The gene pool was obviously in a decline for the humans and the reploids weren't fairing much better. Maybe the Mavericks were the planet's salvation, not damnation?  
However, that thought quickly disappeared as his eyes happened to glance in to one of the cells.  
Chill Penguin, one of the recent prisoners of a raid on a Maverick base, was stuck to one of the cell bars. Apparently the icy Maverick managed to drop the temperature of his cell so that a light glaze of frost covered everything and, for whatever reason, he decided to lick one of the frigid bars, freezing his tongue to it. Currently the irate penguin Reploid was struggling to tug his tongue off of the bars without tearing it off in the process.  
Zero stared at the Maverick for a few moments, almost uncomprehending, before he shook his head in slight disbelief. He should have known better; why would the Mavericks be any more intelligent than the rest of the population?  
With a resigned sigh, Zero resumed walking towards the main office. He quickly dropped the folder on the desk, not even bothering to stop and explain to the brig security officer what it was; he knew that they could atleast read without his help.  
The crimson reploid quickly left the brig, trying to avoid looking at Chill Penguin or any other Mavericks inside the brig. He wanted to be back in his nice, safe office.  
His nice, safe, moron-free office.  
As Zero hurried down the hall, passing the recreational facility without a second glance as well as the booger-diving reploid, he noticed a woman and her child standing outside his office near the large reinforced glass balcony overlooking the lobby thirty stories below them.  
The woman was busy chatting away on her cell phone as she watched the protestors down below, not even noticing that her child had somehow managed to climb up onto the guardrail and was dangerously teetering as he walked along it like it was a balance beam.  
Zero blinked, then yelped and dove to grab the child just as the adventurous toddler lost his balance and nearly fell down towards the lobby. He let out a sigh as the child squirmed in his grip, then giggled and proceeded to grab hold of his ponytail and yank hard.  
However, he was quickly distracted from the pain of his hair being tugged on by the pain in his ears as the woman started to scream shrilly.  
The crimson hunter jumped and whipped about to stare at the woman, wondering what her problem was.  
"MY BABY!" the woman shrieked as she lunged to grab her child out of Zero's grasp quickly. "HOW iDARE/i YOU GRAB MY BABY LIKE THAT! YOU... YOU... KIDNAPPER! HELP! KIDNAPPER!"  
Zero blinked slowly as he stared at the woman, and then grunted as his cheek twitched violently. "..."  
"SOMEONE HELP US! KIDNAPPER!" the woman continued to wail even as the child kept tugging on Zero's captive ponytail.  
"Lady...," Zero drawled, knowing that he was using the word very loosely. "We do have leash laws around here. Keep your little beast on a leash or I'll take him to the pound."  
The woman gasped in horror as the child giggled and yanked on Zero's ponytail. "How DARE you insult my baby like that!" she wailed. "You're nothing but a horrible hoodlum AND a kidnapper! You terrible, terrible man!"  
Zero snorted, then simply grabbed the child's hand and pried his fingers off of his hair before letting go and making to move about her. "Yeah, and this 'horrible hoodlum and kidnapper' is the reason why you're still alive to BREED, lady."  
"You're just a lousy no good kidnapper!" the woman continued to rant as she shook her fist at Zero. "You'll get what's coming to you for insulting me and trying to take my baby! Mark my words!"  
Zero rolled his eyes and flashed the lady a simple smirk before he continued on his way to his office. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."  
The crimson hunter arrived at his office without further incident, muttering under his breath as he slammed the door shut behind him. "I swear, stupid people shouldn't breed."  
"Don't kill the Ma-ver-icks! Reploids have RIGHTS! Don't kill the Ma- ver-icks! Reploids have RIGHTS!"  
Zero glowered darkly as he glanced at the window, his twitch still very dominant on his face.  
"... Okay, that's it." Zero stormed towards his desk and opened a drawer with a grunt, reaching inside to grab a packet of water balloons. He had confiscated them off of a rookie who had been trying to pass them off as condoms and sell them to humans. He had naturally confiscated them; the last thing anyone needed was more idiots breeding like cockroaches while using balloons as condoms. Now, he would put them to good use.  
With an evil chuckle, Zero headed over to the coffee machine at the far corner of the room and proceeded to fill all of the balloons with boiling, bubbling water. The water was so hot that the balloon plastic was practically melting, so the hunter had to take care in holding them. He slowly carried the balloons towards the window, and then peered down at the protesters, holding one of the scalding hot balloons gingerly in his hand.  
Noting that the protesters were in clumps, and thus easy targets, Zero then proceeded to toss the boiling hot water balloons with expert precision.  
The protesters immediately started to scream and squeal as scalding hot water exploded from the balloons as they impacted, sending them fleeing in all directions in a panic.  
Zero grinned sadistically as he continued to lob the balloons at the protesters. He didn't even bother to try and conserve the water balloons, as he still had plenty of packages to use.  
He had to admit, though, that stupid people did have their uses.  
They made an excellent and nearly limitless supply of targets and cannon fodder.  
  
Dedicated to Yscaldine, one of the few sane people in a sea of stupidity. Happy Birthday! 


End file.
